As a former primary counselor in a major treatment center, a former owner of a women’s shelter, and a pastor, I have come to see the reality of untreated sex and love addiction.

It would be unethical for me to share patient, tenant, or member information with you, but I can still share a truthful story. The story invented below is a fictional synthesis of a thousand real stories — realistic in every respect. Situations and personalities have been combined in such a way that no single real-life person is even remotely represented.

Beth is a cocaine addict. She entered treatment because her live-in boyfriend got into recovery and threatened to send her packing if she didn’t get clean.

Beth arrived angry — at him, at the treatment intake staff, and at the world. She was quickly diagnosed with substance dependence, acute anxiety, and borderline traits. Her history of sexual promiscuity went unnoticed because she deliberately made a point of how faithful she had been to her current man.

During the course of treatment, she would frequently disappear into the bathroom for twenty minutes during trauma group. The staff discussed it and decided she was resisting treatment. The fact that she was visiting the ladies’ room to quietly masturbate went undetected, as did her past promiscuity. So instead of addressing possible sex and love addiction, the staff prohibited her from visiting the restroom during group.

Beth abruptly entered withdrawal — which had not been her plan — so she responded by running away. She first found some cocaine and then holed up in a hotel room with another relapsing addict. He introduced her to shooting cocaine during sex. No one could find her for a month.

When she emerged, mangled and broken, she was not able to return to treatment because the insurance company denied coverage. Her boyfriend had lost interest in flying her home. Where she ended up after the emergency room, only God knows.

Lynn, the trauma specialist on staff, had a vague sense that Beth’s acute anxiety might have been connected to early abuse. She had quietly wondered what Beth was doing in the bathroom, but it never occurred to anyone on staff that Beth ran because of sexual withdrawal — not cocaine withdrawal.

Beth’s borderline diagnosis seemed to explain the chaos and dependency in her relationships, as well as her impulsive behavior. As a result, love addiction (which insurance companies do not recognize as an addiction) was overlooked. Consequently, Beth disappeared — like thousands of others — into a world of darkness.

If someone had been there to start an S.L.A.A. meeting in the facility, or if someone had stopped by to invite the staff to take patients to a nearby meeting, Beth might have found the help she needed.

Who is responsible for this travesty? I am.

—ANONYMOUS
(Issue #115)