There are a few things that have made sponsoring work for me. Firstly, my job is to get out of Higher Power’s way to keep emphasising ours is a spiritual programme. That applies to me too as a sponsor so regular prayer and meditation around sponsoring is required together with outreach. If I get really stuck then I can always find the answer in the A.A. Big Book chapter on “Working With Others.”

Setting healthy boundaries for myself, such as how long calls are and how long I’ll wait if they are late is critical for my well-being. Being receptive to the lessons I can learn from my sponsees has also made sponsorship work for me. I’ve learned so much about rela-tionships, honesty, meditation and inner child work from my sponsees.

Passing on only what I have been given through the readings, outreach, and of course my sponsors is important in my experience.

It never works out well if I pretend to know all the answers. It’s a real strength to encourage my sponsees to talk to others and to God.

The main challenge I faced at the beginning was a belief that I didn’t know enough to be able to pass on to another.

Underneath that were some core feelings of not being enough, perfectionism, and grandiosity that I was somehow responsible for another’s sobriety.

I’m grateful to my sponsor for encouraging me to just be available to sponsor whoever wants what I have and then let Higher Power do the rest.

There have been plenty of other challenges since then which I can now see as learning opportunities for acting as if my defects have been removed and for practicing healthy relationships.

I’ve sometimes had to work hard to maintain my boundaries about how long I wait if a call is missed.

I’ve had to deal with envy about sponsees sex lives and their excitement about dating. There has also been loss when a relationship with a sponsee ends and I’ve learned to accept and sit with that.

Dealing with sponsees and dating has been consistently challenging and I have needed to remind myself that it is their dating plan, that I’m not in a relationship with their partners so my reactions aren’t relevant and are probably my projections.

Most importantly I’ve learned that my sponsees have their own higher power and it’s not me.
— Gary H., London